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BMW Announces Road Warmers

Having spent the last twenty years perfecting the sports sedan, BMW has now taken up the ultimate challenge - perfecting the road. Road Warmers are the result of twenty years of German engineering. And represent perhaps the single most important contribution to the automotive industry in the past decade.

Road Warmers employ laser technology to ensure constant road conditions. The way in which they operate is simple. Underneath the car, four pivoting convex lasers are mounted in front of each wheel. The lasers are aimed at the pavement directly in front of the tread stance. They work in tandem with five-speed turbo fans. So not only do they manage to melt snow and ice, they also dry the road of excess moisture. And virtually eliminate the need to clear your driveway during winter.

Inside the car, the driver is continually apprised of the climatic conditions through BMW's onboard computer and Active Check Control. This enables the driver to set the road to a temperature that best suits their level of performance. The result is a road that never changes. Four seasons become one. And performace is assured like never before. Eventually Road Warmers will be standard on all new BMW's. But as part of a special offer, your dealer will install them on your present car free of charge.

But you should hurry. Our offer is only available April 1st, so you would be a fool to miss this one.

[reprinted from an add in Toronto's Globe and Mail, April 1st.





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- Walter Cronkite

April and her band of fools just love the tomfoolery on this site. From media hoaxes to pranks to gag gifts to practical jokes this site makes me laugh even when I'm in trouble with the law. Say, does anyone know if April is available because I would like to be her fool if you know what I mean. And if not does she have a sister?

- Bill Clinton

This April fools practical jokes and gag gifts pad is a jolly good site, indeed. I perused it over one time and laughed so hard it almost made me pee. Then a month later, I thought I would look up a few April fools practical jokes to play on dear young William (and even bought a few gag gifts) and I came back to this pad and laughed so hard I did pee my pants. Jolly good thing I am wearing Depends now days.

- Queen Elizabeth

It is not knowledge that is important, but rather imagination. And this April fools site is chocked full of imagination. And of course knowledge. Of course you can't deny the great gag gifts and practical jokes you find here, either. When I wrote my great theory I wasn't really thinking of great media hoaxes or fart jokes but yes, now I see that they too can apply. The jokes here are practical and the gifts make me gag. Would you like to see me slurp a loogie?

Eddie Einstein (Albert's little brother)

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