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4/1/94
LYNCHBURG, VA (AP)
Jerry Falwell's Falwell Ministries announced
today that it had
purchased 51% of the voting stock of TSR,
Inc., the Wisconsin based publisher of the
Dungeons and Dragons game, after a lengthy
and secretive process of negotiations begun
at least five years ago.
According to a source near the top of TSR,
the negotiations began after Lorraine Wilson,
the president of TSR, first attended her
local Baptist church.
'She came back saying,
"Praise the Lord, I have been saved
from the pit of hell,"' and then began
the process of reworking the Dungeons and
Dragons game to remove any and all references
to Devils or Demons. Since that time TSR
has published a new edition of Dungeons
and Dragons with no devils or demons in
it, and has also expanded into other markets,
with an emphasis on board-games and paperback
original novels.
According to this
same source, Ms. Wilson has also had several
meetings since then with famed church-victim
Jessica Hahn and John Kruk, star first-baseman
of the Philadelphia Phillies and testicular-cancer
victim. 'She's trying to understand victims,'
the source said. 'She wants to make Dungeons
and Dragons into a kinder and gentler game
thing.'
Reverend Falwell made a short announcement
at a press conference this morning at which
he said "Dungeons and Dragons will
soon bring traditional all-american Christian
morality back into the hearts of those who
have left the fold. The New Dungeons and
Dragons will reward players for possessing
family values instead of for robbing and
murdering peaceful gas-station attendants,
as they did formerly." Reverend Falwell
then left for Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, in
the company of Lorraine Wilson, shouting
"I feel good!" and explaining,
"Time to ditch my old lady and get
me a brand new bag."
Jerry Falwell's Falwell Ministries is the
successor to the Moral Majority, which tried
to influence national policy by serving
as a voluntary moral barometer for the United
States during the terms of Ronald Reagan's
presidency.
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