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Federal Reserve To Impose Television Tax


Washington D.C. - Associated Press

In an era of balanced budget rhetoric, some novel methods of
revenue enhancement have been presented by congressional
leaders. In a surprising move spear headed by Senator
Ted Kennedy (D), Massachusetts, referendum TK741-009 was
introduced on the floor of the senate today.

This bill proposes that a special "chip", similar in size to
the so-called "V-Chip" used to sensor television now, be
installed into all new manufactured television sets, and within
5 years retroactively installed on all previously sold sets.

This chip would monitor the total accumulated time that any
television set was operating and record that information for
download to the Internal Revenue Service. The viewer would then
be accessed a fee for each hour that the television set was

FCC Chairman Federico Pena was initially thrilled with the
concept. "Studies have shown that the average television set
is on approximately 12 hours a day. There are also an estimated
433 million television sets in use today. A enormous revenue
source is presently being untapped. I applaud the honorable
Senator Kennedy for his foresight."

Federal Reserve board chairman Alan Greenspan was also
enthusiastic about the Kennedy "Couch Potato Tax".
Says Greenspan, at a news conference in Washington, "Think
of it, if the average television is indeed on 12 hours a day,
and there are 433 million TV sets out there, if we charged
just 10 cents an hour then the total yearly income would be
1.896 Trillion dollars a year. The budget could be balanced

When questioned about the obvious problem with peoples reactions to such an additional tax Greenspan replied, "It will be fine if you just think about it. At 12 hours a day and at 10 cents
an hour, that's a total cost of only $1.20 per day per family.
Since going to a movie costs an average of $45 for a family of
four, the cost savings to the family would be substantial. Plus
a movie only lasts a couple of hours."

How would the new tax be collected? Says Greenspan, "A special
branch of the Internal Revenue Service would be created to
handle the increased work load. Television users would be able
to download the chips memory and file a return with the IRS.
In fact, there has been some talk of allowing TV users to pay
there yearly TV fee right along with their IRS tax return. This
would be a considerable time-saver."

And the cost for monitoring, auditing, and enforcement?
"We estimate," Greenspan replied, "that approximately $1.8
billion a year would be required to do this right. But, the
bright side is that we estimate that nearly 10,000 new
government jobs would be created, thus stimulating the job
market at a time when government downsizing are reducing the
amount of total overall available government jobs."

Well folks, the Associated Press doesn't feel that this bill
is reasonable. The average family would be forced to pay an
additional yearly tax of $438. If you feel as we do, then call
the "American Peoples Republic Information League For Our Own Lifes" (or aprilfool) at 1-800-got-chaa.





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- Walter Cronkite

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- Bill Clinton

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- Queen Elizabeth

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Eddie Einstein (Albert's little brother)

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