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1998
Washington D.C. - Associated Press
In an era of balanced budget rhetoric,
some novel methods of
revenue enhancement have been presented
by congressional
leaders. In a surprising move spear headed
by Senator
Ted Kennedy (D), Massachusetts, referendum
TK741-009 was
introduced on the floor of the senate today.
This bill proposes that a special "chip",
similar in size to
the so-called "V-Chip" used to
sensor television now, be
installed into all new manufactured television
sets, and within
5 years retroactively installed on all previously
sold sets.
This chip would monitor the total accumulated
time that any
television set was operating and record
that information for
download to the Internal Revenue Service.
The viewer would then
be accessed a fee for each hour that the
television set was
used.
FCC Chairman Federico Pena was initially
thrilled with the
concept. "Studies have shown that the
average television set
is on approximately 12 hours a day. There
are also an estimated
433 million television sets in use today.
A enormous revenue
source is presently being untapped. I applaud
the honorable
Senator Kennedy for his foresight."
Federal Reserve board chairman Alan Greenspan
was also
enthusiastic about the Kennedy "Couch
Potato Tax".
Says Greenspan, at a news conference in
Washington, "Think
of it, if the average television is indeed
on 12 hours a day,
and there are 433 million TV sets out there,
if we charged
just 10 cents an hour then the total yearly
income would be
1.896 Trillion dollars a year. The budget
could be balanced
immediately!"
When questioned about the obvious problem
with peoples reactions to such an additional
tax Greenspan replied, "It will be
fine if you just think about it. At 12 hours
a day and at 10 cents
an hour, that's a total cost of only $1.20
per day per family.
Since going to a movie costs an average
of $45 for a family of
four, the cost savings to the family would
be substantial. Plus
a movie only lasts a couple of hours."
How would the new tax be collected? Says
Greenspan, "A special
branch of the Internal Revenue Service would
be created to
handle the increased work load. Television
users would be able
to download the chips memory and file a
return with the IRS.
In fact, there has been some talk of allowing
TV users to pay
there yearly TV fee right along with their
IRS tax return. This
would be a considerable time-saver."
And the cost for monitoring, auditing,
and enforcement?
"We estimate," Greenspan replied,
"that approximately $1.8
billion a year would be required to do this
right. But, the
bright side is that we estimate that nearly
10,000 new
government jobs would be created, thus stimulating
the job
market at a time when government downsizing
are reducing the
amount of total overall available government
jobs."
Well folks, the Associated Press doesn't
feel that this bill
is reasonable. The average family would
be forced to pay an
additional yearly tax of $438. If you feel
as we do, then call
the "American Peoples Republic Information
League For Our Own Lifes" (or aprilfool)
at 1-800-got-chaa.
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