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Outdoor Chess Banned in Big Apple

Playing chess out of doors will soon be a ticketable offence in America's largest city.

A spokesperson with Mayor Rudy Giuliani's office confirmed today that a bylaw is planned to prohibit persons from engaging in the world's foremost intellectual game anywhere in a public setting.

"We've taken great strides in combatting litter, panhandling, and other urban blights", said spokesperson Frank Marshall. "This is really just the next logical step."

The plan calls for a fine of $100 for a first incident, increasing to $500 for repeat offenders.

Those persons carrying on a simultaneous exhibition will face much stiffer penalties, and anyone caught playing the Latvian gambit could be hit with jail time.

Open-air chess has had a long and colorful history in New York. For decades, addicts of the game have gathered in Washington Square to play fast-paced "blitz" chess and enjoy each other's company. But this proud tradition is soon to come to an end.

"We see this as the first step in a 'No Nerd New York' campaign", said the spokesperson. "Everybody knows that chess players are gormless wimps who dress funny and can't get a date. We want to promote a more hip image of our great city."

When confronted with the fact that Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, rap and movie star Will Smith, rock legend Sting, and the breathtakingly handsome About Chess Guide David Dunbar all are or were chess fans, Mr. Marshall merely replied, "yadda, yadda, yadda".

He also pointed out that this entire thing is just a silly April Fools Joke that has gone on long enough.





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- Walter Cronkite

April and her band of fools just love the tomfoolery on this site. From media hoaxes to pranks to gag gifts to practical jokes this site makes me laugh even when I'm in trouble with the law. Say, does anyone know if April is available because I would like to be her fool if you know what I mean. And if not does she have a sister?

- Bill Clinton

This April fools practical jokes and gag gifts pad is a jolly good site, indeed. I perused it over one time and laughed so hard it almost made me pee. Then a month later, I thought I would look up a few April fools practical jokes to play on dear young William (and even bought a few gag gifts) and I came back to this pad and laughed so hard I did pee my pants. Jolly good thing I am wearing Depends now days.

- Queen Elizabeth

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Eddie Einstein (Albert's little brother)

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