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The 20th Annual April Fools' Day Parade
will march down Fifth Avenue, from 59th
Street to Washington Square Park, beginning
at 12 noon, Friday, April 1st, 2005. After
two decades, New York's most irreverent
parade has finally been officially sanctioned
by the City of New York. Also a first, the
parade will be broadcast live from 12 noon
to 3 p.m. on Time Warner Cable channel 25.
The New York April Fools' Committee thanks
the Mayor, the city, all our sponsors and
participants over the years for their support.
The New York April Fools' Day Parade was
created in 1986 to remedy a glaring omission
in the long list of New York's annual ethnic
and holiday parades. These events fail to
recognize the importance of April 1st, the
day designated to commemorate the perennial
folly of mankind. In an attempt to bridge
that gap and bring people back in touch
with their inherent foolishness, the parade
annually crowns a King of Fools from the
parading look-alikes.
This year's parade, "Divided We Stand",
will memorialize the efforts made by people
around the world to maintain their power,
whether political, religious or personal,
at the cost of the greater common good.
The Parade Grand Marshall will be Ex CBS
Anchor, Dan Rather. The theme song "Praise
the Lord and Pass the Ammunition" will
be sung by President George W. Bush. The
public is encouraged to participate, in
or out of costume, with or without floats,
and may join the procession at any point
along the parade route. Large float entries
must be at 59th Street and 5th Avenue no
later than 11:30 a.m..
This year's floats will include the Swift
Boat Veterans for Truth float, sinking in
a sea of lies; the New York Governor George
Pataki float in a canoe up a canal without
a paddle; the Mud Wrestling float, with
Michael Moore taking on all challengers;
the Indiana Pacers and Detroit Pistons "We'll
Kick Your Butt" float (bystanders are
invited to throw beer); the NHL Ice Rink
float featuring owners and players kicking
each others' butts; and the Airlines' Lost
Luggage float. The rear of the parade will
be flanked by an empty flatbed truck representing
the "Where's God?" float.
Marching celebrity look-alike fools will
include: Donald Trump handing out pink slips
while wearing one; Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
shouting "girlie man!"; Ex New
Jersey Governor James E. McGreevey announcing
"I am a gay American"; Sponge
Bob screaming "I am not gay!";
Jimmy Swaggert looking to kills gays if
they look at him romantically; Bill O'Reilly
looking for lust; Anna Nicole Smith looking
for money; Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
looking for someone to torture; Bill Burkett
handing out forged documents to any reporter
who will take them; Jeff Gannon, White House
pseudo-reporter, handing out fake Ids; Zell
Miller ranting "Dissent is treason!";
Howard Dean just ranting; Olympic gold medalist
Michael Phelps toasting the crowd again
and again; Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi
looking for the Halloween Parade; and Ann
Coulter being Ann Coulter.
There will be a party with live music,
entertainment and food concessions at the
end of the parade in Washington Square Park.
Revelers can visit the Ukrainian Home Cooking
booth featuring the famous Dioxin Borscht
served by Ukraine's Ex Prime Minister Viktor
Yanukovych; a Social Security Casino concession;
and a Steroid Sampling booth manned by Baseball
players José Conseco, Barry Bonds
and Jason Giambi. Mel Gibson will also be
on hand to man his Crucifix Photo-Op concession
featuring a ten foot cross with a portrait
portal. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
will be collecting scrap metal donations
for his Soldiers Vehicle Rearmament Program.
And, Harvard President Lawrence Summers
will oversee an innate intrinsic gender
aptitude research booth featuring Condoleeza
Rice and Karl Rove naked as test peek-a-boo
science of sex comparison subjects. For
$5.00, which will help to support next year's
parade, the public will be allowed to seek
essential differences by asking one question
each. Also, Kofi Annan will host a U.N.
Food for Oil concession stand. Generous
funding for this parade is provided by Pfizer
and Merck who will distribute free Celebrex
and Vioxx. The King or Queen of Fools will
be chosen based on the loudest cheers of
the crowd at Washington Square Park. The
winner will reign through March 31, 2006.
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