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University of New Hampshire Secedes from Nation


President Hart has declared the University of New Hampshire a sovereign nation, formally announcing our secession from the United States of America. The Student Senate, in a rare unanimous decision, voted to support her, declaring her Glorious Revolutionary Leader and establishing the Articles of Revolution, which declare the Durham campus' independence from the United States.

At a ceremony this morning on the lawn in front of Thompson Hall, the president gave a speech condemning the tyranny of the imperialist American juggernaut, calling it a "nexus of evil." She listed the grievances of a life subjugated to the "American way of life--a way of corruption!"

Her enthusiasm mounting, she continued: "Too long have we lived under the shadow of this bloody flag! This flag, which as flown above genocide, when the Native Americans were systematically uprooted and murdered. This flag, which has flown above the enslavement of millions of Africans. This flag, which flew above the horrors of industrialization, when thousands of workers suffered and died in the crucibles of steely progress! This flag, which even now denies the ordinary human rights of the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay! This flag, which all but approves the corruption of our nation's privileged elites, who sit in their executive meetings and government offices, deciding how best to bleed their serfs for their own vampiric glut! This flag, under which automobiles are cheaper than medicine. This flag, which even now flutters in the polluted breeze, endorsing the poisoning of our air, water, and soil." She went on this way for several minutes.

Despite the relative shortage of complete sentences, the speech was well received. The audience cheered at the climax of the ceremony, in which the ROTC, now the Student Army of Freedom, symbolically lowered the U.S. flag. A new flag, designed by Editorial & Creative Services, took its place in front of Thompson Hall, an area now designated "Revolutionary Green." Nearby, the UNH band began to play the first few notes of the "The Internationale."

In the second half of Hart's speech, which is considered to be the first address to the new nation, the President spoke of creating a new kind of society, one founded on principles of academic excellence and cultural diversity. She spoke of remaking UNH into a "Student's Paradise" in which people can be free of the "slings and arrows" of the greater "ignorance" of the United States.

By Tom Olson, People's Journalist

 

 

 


 

 




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