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US Airforce Merges With Lockheed
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(AFNS) Washington
DC
In a stunning announcement, the US Air Force
announced that it will merge with the aerospace
giant Lockheed-Martin. Air Force Chief of
Staff Gen Ronald Fogleman made the announcement
at a Pentagon ceremony today.
"I'm very pleased with the new merger
and am excited about working with the contractor
world even more closely." Fogleman said
of the $800 trillion deal.
The merger would be the second largest in
the country, bested only by the
marriage of Lisa Marie Presley and Michael
Jackson. Plans for the new company, to be
called Air Force-Lockheed, are somewhat sketchy,
but sources say that the former contractors
will move into military housing at closed
military bases around the country. Air Force-Lockheed
believes that forcing employees into government
housing will save billions of
dollars each year.
The merger wasn't a happy occasion for all,
though. Many of the former
contractors were incensed to learn that they
would be forced to give up their frequent
flier miles to the company and many of the
former Air Force personnel were upset that
they would now have to decide what to wear
every morning.
"It's just not fair," said Capt
Jim Lindsay of Los Angeles Air Force Station.
"I just invested thousands of dollars
in the new Air Force uniform and Corfam shoes
and they just pulled the rug out from underneath
me. Where will I find the money to pay for
new clothes and how will I know if they match?
They ought to make the old contractors wear
uniforms instead."
Shareholders of the old Lockheed-Martin Company
were also unhappy since the value of their
stock plummeted with the announcement. Analysts
say the drop occurred because of the debt
the Lockheed-Martin group took on due to the
merger with the Air Force.
The merger has left the other Services scrambling
to help themselves by
looking into mergers of their own. The Navy
is interested in a deal with
Carnival Cruise Lines, but TV personality
Kathy Lee Gifford has said she and fitness
Richard Simmons oppose a government takeover.
An informed source says that the Army is keeping
its options open, but that it expects to close
a deal with the US Marine Corps soon. The
Army had looked into a merger with the Boy
Scouts of America, but withdrew from negotiations
when Army auditors discovered the Boy Scouts
is a non-profit organization.The Marines,
upset at not being included in the Navy negotiation
with Carnival, says it wants to be affiliated
with another organization.
Many say the Air Force-Lockheed merger will
take a while to "fit" the people
though. "We know how to spend money,
but we don't know a damn thing about making
it," said a lieutenant colonel at HQ
USAF who declined to be identified. Many analysts
agree with that opinion and have said the
company may initially have trouble....
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